How To Cure Your Bedroom Problem
Because premature ejaculation is associated with
infrequent sex, men with low frequencies of sexual activity often get
extra excited and aroused, which can manifest as performance anxiety
when sex presents itself.
What’s
the No. 1 sexual issue that men face today? OK, the guy who said
finding a sexual partner wins — I’ll give you that one. What’s the
second then? Chances are most of you said premature ejaculation,
and most of you likely had a reaction to that term — you felt some
anxiety or thought about clicking back to your streaming porn that’s
taking forever to download. It’s time to stop avoiding the issue and
look at it. Why? For the simple reason that we only live once and having
the best possible sex life should be an item on our bucket lists.
The
Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV) defines
premature ejaculation as a persistent or recurrent ejaculation with
minimal sexual stimulation before, on or shortly after penetration and
before a person wishes. Wow, that’s not a sexy definition. Personally, I
define it as you come quicker than you or your partner wants.
How often does this occur in different age groups for men? According to
the 1999 NHSLS survey by Laumann et al., 30% of men ages 18-29, 32% ages
30-39, 28% ages 40-49, and 31% ages 50-59 stated climaxing too early
was an issue. I know some of you were hoping age would slow things down.
If men were asked if they’ve ever had at least one experience of
premature ejaculation, almost every guy would get in line for their
membership card.
What causes premature ejaculation? There’s not
one cause; it’s a combination of factors. Some believe anxiety is the
culprit, repetitive learned behaviors, excessive or insufficient
arousal, or muscular tension. They’re all associated, and addressing
each of them is the key to curing premature ejaculation. Evolutionary
psychology suggests men learned to ejaculate quickly to ensure they
completed the sex act before a predator attacked, a female escaped, a
male interrupted, or to increase the chance of procreation. Maybe we can
blame the cavemen? For our purposes, let’s leave the scientists to
figure out the causes and let’s focus on tips for curing premature
ejaculation.
premature ejaculation: anxiety reduction
Let’s start with what we can do before our penis comes into play. First, you need to learn to calm yourself down and lower your
performance anxiety
levels. Because premature ejaculation is associated with infrequent
sex, men with low frequencies of sexual activity often get extra excited
and aroused, which can manifest as performance anxiety when sex
presents itself. Even men with frequent sex can get extra aroused.
Reducing anxiety is different for everyone. Meditation, hypnosis or
imagery exercises may help for some. Just like an athlete works with the
sports psychologist to envision their performance, you can do the same
sexual imagery for the bedroom. How many of you imagine positive sexual
scenarios, envision your interactions and what behaviors you would
engage in? Imagery can be like a positive mental plan, something you can
fall back on that can help you manage your anxiety beforehand — and in
the moment. Communicating your anxiety is also helpful. We
hear the expression, “a big relief to get that off my chest,” yet it’s
rarely used for premature ejaculation. Talking with a partner, friend or
therapist opens the door for anxiety relief and can help address and
alleviate some of our fears. Men are notorious for keeping things inside
and it’s no different for a delicate subject like this. Things like our
penis size, body image, relationship difficulties, and stressors in
life (work, financial, family, health) can all add to our anxiety levels
in the bedroom. Lastly, pick up some sex education books/DVDs on sex
technique and sexual expression. There are thousands out there and the
more sex education you have, the more competent, confident and less
anxious you’ll feel.....
more
